JKilgore.net

I think in five years my life will be different in a few areas.

Home – In five years we will own a home. Currently the Lady and I rent a nice little place, but we would like to have a place of our own.

Work – In five years I will have a different job. I don’t what I’ll be doing or for who but I think there will be a transition of some sort.

Family – In five years our family will probably get bigger. We’ll probably get another dog…;)

What is in your five year plan?

…

I honestly don’t think I have any questions for God at the moment. I tried thinking about a serious question and everything I thought of I could either answer somehow or dismiss as an unworthy question. I also think it would seem sorta big headed of me to think that God should need to explain anything to me. That the creator or some of the most complex and hard to grasp things in the universe was in any way answering to me. I know how ridiculous that is. “It’s a hypothetical situation” you say, “OK then,” you add “What if God commanded it. If  you had to ask him a question?”

Well in that case, what’s the deal with the platypus?

I would spend more time just talking to people.

I love a good story. And when it comes to peoples lives, there isn’t anything better. Think about it, it’s a pretty complicated tale of how you got where you are. Answers to questions like how you decided where to live, who got you your first job, and what event changed the direction of your life are usually quite unique. I love to just hear people lay out their life and all the interesting connections they have made.

If I could change something, I would listen to more life stories. Maybe I could compile them into a book, or bring back my reality TV idea and roll this into it.

A desperate pursuit of understanding.

March 22, 2009

To be an astronaut.

Like many other kids, when I was young I was drawn to space exploration. I was very young when the Challenger incident happened, but it was still a topic when I was in elementary school. I think the fact that one of the astronauts was a teacher made me think that truly anyone could do it. I wanted to go to the moon(Mars wasn’t in the picture then) and walk in places no one else had been. The views from space always seemed to peaceful and serene, while still be vast and breathtaking. I wanted to know what that adventure was truly like.

My spacey aspirations didn’t last much out of grade school, but I still wonder what being an astronaut would have been like.

Of course not.
Watch out, I’m bringing out my soapbox on this one.

Have you ever asked anyone this question? They most always say yes. Because after all we try to do the right thing most of the time. We also don’t like for our actions cause others pain, so we attempt to keep that from happening. And there are definitely people out there worse than I am right? But what is good? In order to meet a standard there has to be one, and who is qualified to set that standard? Do we aim for an equal standard or a fair standard?

To bring the Lord into it – Luke 18:19 says that ‘No one is good except God alone’. Hes done the work for us on this one. I know there are lots of people who want to try and take a relativistic standing but it seems to usually end up in a hypocritical view point.

We are broken people, plain and simple.

Are you a good person?

I am.

I’m sure at some point I’ve wronged someone enough to create an enemy, but they will probably wait until I reveal my superhero persona before surfacing. Until then I have no trouble getting in my own way.

I’ve heard it said that we each have a ‘shadow mission’. Something that lies waiting for an opportunity to keep us from fulfilling our true purpose. Using every foothold it can get into your weakness and insecurity, it will slowly misdirect you.

My ‘shadow mission’ would be laziness. It’s something that I have to fight in myself regularly. From small things like choosing TV over the dishes to bigger issues, laziness has a way of creeping in when I don’t expect it. I have to stay on watch for signs of laziness and be ready to work against it.

Do you have an enemy?

My Wife (Happy Birthday Lady!)

Now that I’ve given the obligatory response, here’s why that’s the truth.

In my life its seemed that my ‘best friend’ has sort of shifted through the different phases of my life. They were the people I talked to most, who I hung out with most of the time, and the people I could rely on(outside of family). So as I grew my friends changed leaving an interesting assortment of ‘Besties’. The level of interaction and friendship also changed as time progressed. Here’s a breakdown of my friendships over the years;

Kindergarten – 3rd Grade: Brad
-Not much going in terms of friendship. I never went to his house or anything outside of school. I guess we were on the same soccer team at recess.

4th – 6th Grade: Randy
-I would ride my bike to his house after school to play Goldeneye.

6th – 8th Grade: Brian, Jake, Jared, Zach
-Most of the interactions were still at school, but the friendships were getting deeper. Parties, and sleepovers and such, junior high was great right?

9th – 12th Grade: Brian, Mike, Seth, Zach
-During this time the friendships really solidified. Most of my memories of high school involve these guys.

College: Jeremy
-Best roommate I’ve ever had(and I’ve had some ‘great’ ones). Too bad it only lasted a semester.

Marriage: The Lady

Some of the friends have carried through the years and others have fallen off. I think its interesting to look back over them and see how I’ve changed since then, and how our relationships have changed as well.

Have your friends changed as you’ve gotten older?

Getting kicked out of college.

I know, I was shocked too. Not that I should have been, I kinda had it coming.

I received a certified letter in the mail.(I don’t know of any good ever coming from a certified letter) I had to pick it up at the post office so after grabbing it I stopped by the family restaurant to give it a read. It was devastating. Like someone breaking up with you in a text message. Easily one of the top ten worst moments of my life. Personal experience aside, like I said, I had it coming.

I had a bad semester. I hated most of what I was doing, classes/major/etc… and I hadn’t learned to deal with tough situations. Rather than dealing with the problem, I did nothing. I didn’t do homework, or go to class much. This of course made my grades drop off the scale and I was in a hole I wouldn’t make it out of. I didn’t do what I should have and I paid the price. It was an expensive lesson. Mentally as well as financially. Of course on the flip side, as stupid as it was, it was a part of my journey. I would not be where I’m at if I hadn’t been kicked out.

You know that I don’t like failure and this was a huge one. A bonehead move that changed my life.