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I’m going to dig deeper for this post. There might be some surface level stuff that I fear, but I’m going to go for my biggest fear. Failure.

I’m a very critical guy. How things are done and the intention behind actions. I have a personal drive to make sure that things are done the best way possible. I have an inner monologue that questions everything. Is there a better way? How does this affect other people? What the most efficient way to handle this? I approach everything with an analytical eye. Its surprising sometimes that Erin can even put up with me. It’s one of those things that kind of permeates every part of me. The reason for this all comes from an intense fear of failure.

Simple failures like being late or spilling things to large failures like not making it through college,  will play over and over in my head through that critical lens. What did I do wrong? How could I have changed the situation? What should I do next time? The fear is so ingrained that this questioning happens almost constantly.

I’m not sure what started this fear, but it affects me on a deep level. It has penetrated my decision making and the way that I view everyday situations. It even affects my interactions with other people. Is that weird?

What do you fear?

Another quick list.

Bad drivers – we all share the road, lets try and do what’s best for everyone.

Laziness – It usually doesn’t take a lot, but sometimes that’s too much.

Haters – Things aren’t so terrible that you need to bad mouth everything/everyone.

Selfishness – If it were all about you, you probably wouldn’t be reading this.

Gossip – There is a difference between talking about whats going on and just talking about people, quit it.

Close mindedness – Anger and defensiveness are reactions that point not to passion but a closed mind.

I’m not sure if I am the one who could best answer this question.

Overall I would probably say no.

This is based entirely on my extensive list of failure. Now I’m not saying that failure =weakness, just that I have failed many times as a result of personal weakness. From job loss to just plain laziness, there are many ways that I am very weak. There are some areas where I would say I was strong. Mostly areas that require quick, rational reactions.

The redeeming knowledge for me comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9. His power is made perfect in my weakness. So I am grateful for the areas of weakness that push me to rely on His strength

Hoosier Pass in Colorado 11,539ft above sea level.

In April of 2009 I had the extreme pleasure of traveling to Colorado for the first time. We were in Colorado Springs for MinistryTech, part of our annual CITRT gatherings, and after the event we took the ‘long’ way back home. We had been to some of the local sights(Garden of the Gods, Manitou Cliff Dwellings) and we just wanted to see some more of this beautiful area. On our way back to denver for our flight home we drove up through the mountains to Hoosier Pass.

Just a quick list of things that get an instant smile/laugh from me.

1-People getting hit in the groin :: This never gets old.

2-Kids running around laughing and playing :: No cares or worries just genuinely enjoying every moment.

3-Old people falling down :: As long as they don’t get hurt this also never gets old.

4-Erin using current slang :: Shes just too hood for me.

5-Practical jokes :: Frightening people, pranks, hiding noise making devices in your bosses office, all just great fun.

You should be there when I’m watching AFV

Poop

Ha! Not really my favorite but its a funny word.

I think at the moment my favorite word is prodigal.

The word itself has sort of a double meaning. It can mean recklessly extravagant, as well as lavishly abundant. In other words, extremely wasteful or wonderfully giving. This one word has two very different, very big definitions.

The parable of the lost son in Luke 15 has always been extremely personal to me.  And like the word prodigal, there is more that what you see on the surface.  In the early stages of my walk I could easily relate to the wasteful life of the son, and I had been searching for the abundant love of the father. But it didn’t end there. As I grew the story grew with me. I found that I could also relate at times with the older brother. Working diligently to earn the fathers love, and shocked when the wasteful son is welcomed back after cutting all ties with the family. It seems that every time I think I have a grasp of the passage I learn something new.

So for the moment prodigal is my favorite word – simple yet complex.

Where do you live?

I have had the opportunity to live in a few different places, but I always end up back here. Galesburg, IL. Its  a small ‘farmish’ community, near 30,000 residents. Most people in high school/college that live in Galesburg want to get as far away as they can, and I was no exception. I moved to Peoria, IL briefly, then in a suburb of Chicago. Each time I found myself back in Galesburg. I’ve always loved Chicago and Peoria is a great town, but my work in Galesburg just isn’t done yet. I was born in Galesburg, and a vast majority of my family still lives here. I don’t know what it would be like not to be around for the family dinners, and the birthday parties.

Galesburg has a nice history. It was a part of the underground railroad during the civil war, possibly the town where the Marx brothers received their nicknames, and a firmly established railroad town. Birthplace of Carl Sandburg, home to Ronald Regan, and the location of the famed Lincoln/Douglas debate. It is the type of place that has that small town charm while still maintaining some of the feel of a larger town. You run into people you know, but you don’t have to leave town for much of anything. Something I really love are the unique places that are only in Galesburg. The cafe’s and the local run businesses offer things you cant get at a national chain, like Packinghouse cinnamon rolls or Landmark spinach bisque. More recently Galesburg has suffered the loss of some major businesses, making the economic climate less than desirable and even leading to a mention in the 2010 State of the Union Address. Despite the losses I don’t think the town has changed much. I’ve enjoyed my time here and I look forward to the years ahead.

Galesburg – Thats my home.

I ran across a ‘personal interview’ recently and I thought it would be fun to turn it into a project for February. So here’s the jist – similar to those photo projects to post one picture a day I’m going to do 1 post a day covering one of the questions on the interview.

Todays question – What do you do?

I’m going to divide this question into a few areas

Work – I am the Network Systems Administrator at Northwoods Community Church in Peoria, IL. What that means is that I’m responsible for setting up and maintaining most of the computer systems. I’ve been working with computers for near 10 years now and I really love what I do. Most of what I know is self taught, but I’ve taken courses and seminars on various subjects. It’s an incredible blessing to be able to work in a place furthering the Kingdom of God.

Play – I have way too many hobbies, so I jump around quite a bit and add new ones frequently. I love music so I enjoy picking up my guitar and playing around, and recently trying to pick up the piano. In the warmer months I enjoy playing ultimate frisbee and frisbee golf. To attempt to stay fit I like to train for/participate in Triathlons.

Lesuire – Sometimes I don’t work or play and I just like to disconnect. I like to travel to new places and find great restaurants. I enjoy spending the day on the beach or just reading something interesting.

I think that sums up what it is I do. How about you?

It is finished.

Isaiah 43:19 – Behold, I am doing a new thing. When I read this verse I’m always reminded of the unique ways that God responds. When He is going to do something it’s probably not the way that you would expect.

When I went into this fast, I had chosen a focus. There were a few areas that I wanted to increase my discipline(spiritual, physical, financial), and unknowingly I had already planned out how God could respond to my prayer & fasting. I had expectations to what the end result would be if I was ‘successful’ in this fast. Over the course of the three weeks my expectations were torn away.I guess I was expecting some miraculous breakthrough. A story that would be printed in books, something read from the stage at church. After all I was giving up so much. I was sacrificing most everything that was a regular part of my diet. But I didn’t get my breakthrough, I got His.

I came across this verse about halfway through the fast. 1 Samuel 15:22 – Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice. My attitude was all wrong.(no surprise there) I was taking the old testament route thinking that my offering, my sacrifice was what pleased God. That it was those things that entitled me to the response I wanted. God has no need for anything we can give, its our obedience that He wants.

Now it may not sound like it, but this was my breakthrough. Through obedience will come discipline. The reason I felt any lack of discipline in my life was because of the pursuit of selfish desires. Are my financial decisions based on obedience to God or that new gadget I want to buy? Do I work out to take care of my body like a temple of God or because I want to look better at the beach? And is my study time to further my knowledge of the Bible or to better know God?

So God responded in a new way, an unexpected way. Fasting has been a great discipline in my life and has really brought me closer to God.

Pray for us.

Any and all novelty has worn off this week.

I think between people talking about food, watching people eat food, and the commercials for Taco Bell and Domino’s, we were about ready to punch someone. But we didn’t. All kidding aside this week has actually been pretty tough for us.

Life kind of caught up with us. Things got busy and when we might usually go and grab a hot-n-ready pizza from Little Caesar’s that was no longer an option, and it hurt. I kinda feel silly admitting that but the ‘quick fix’ we used to run to(all to often) wasn’t there this week. The odd thing is that I’m pretty sure if the situation were reversed, if I couldn’t eat most fruits and vegetables, and my diet was made of meat bread and dairy, I think things wouldn’t be so painful.  Maybe that’s something to try for February.

Moving on, I heard a verse on the radio the other day that has given me some reassurance this week. Hebrews 12:11 Being that discipline was one of my prayer goals for this fast, it was nice to run across this passage. It’s no cheeseburger, but its still pretty good. So 2 weeks down 1 to go. We are starting to plan our transition back toward the foods we’ve been without, while still remaining on the healthy side of things. Even with the pain of this week I’m still happy with how things have gone. See ya in a week.